Stop Saving People

Today I want to speak to you about that habit that you might have of taking on other people’s nonsense. Sometimes you, young people, you are so caring and you are so good at problem-solving that you end up taking on other people’s stuff! You might have a friend (or maybe even a boyfriend or a girlfriend), for example, maybe you who has stuff going on in their life that causes them problems – maybe it makes them worry – and you are the one friend that they can rely on. You’re the person who cheers them up, you’re the person who sorts out the issue and sometimes you do that so well and so often that it ends up creating other drama! 

Have you noticed how that can happen? How sometimes when you help others and then the next thing that’s going on is that the small problem has transitioned into an even bigger problem! There are often far more people involved and it’s got way more complicated because there are too many voices stating their opinion. 

Well, we’re gonna sort that out for you today because I’m going to tell you the secret to why it is that that happens. Now, it is very caring of you to step in and want to sort the problem out and you take it on board and then you get all anxious because you’re taking on too much. 

So here’s the thing – if you are the person that takes on the job of sorting out other people’s stuff I have an important message for you. YOU’RE FIRED! Stop doing it! 

I’m not saying this to be unkind as I know that you’re coming from a place of love in doing that sorting out job that you do so well, but there’s an important thing that you are missing in the process of doing that. When you take on other people’s worries and troubles you take away the opportunity for them to learn how to fix the problem for themselves. And that’s actually really quite selfish of you!

I mean it’s great for you because you look great when you’re able to solve the problem but you end up feeling rubbish when you can’t and it makes you anxious that you’re not doing a good enough job and other people are stressed out because they’re still in the same old stuck situation and sometimes you’re taking on stuff that you can’t even fix anyway! It’s important to remember that it’s not your thing – it’s their thing. It’s something that they need to figure out for themselves, so it’s really important that you give those people the opportunity to make mistakes and learn and grow as a result of them without you continually stepping in to save them. 

I’m not saying that your intentions are bad. I know that they’re not; your intentions are heartfelt, warm, fluffy, lovely and very, very good. However, you’re not helping people because when you step in and save them you take away their opportunity to learn how to solve their problems for themselves. 

You will be a better friend, a better son/daughter, a better sibling if you just step back and watch people struggle a little bit sometimes so that they’ve got the opportunity to learn how to do their own problem-solving. I know you come from a place of caring and love and that is a beautiful thing. But sometimes the best way to be caring and loving is to let people have their own growth and development in their lives, and that might mean that you’re not their problem-solver anymore.

Now it’s my turn to say something from a place of love – you’re fired. Stop solving people’s problems for them. Go off and enjoy your lives, make wonderful things happen, give people good advice and then step back and let them take the action for themselves. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel as a result of freeing yourself up from other people’s burdens. Trust me.

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